Peer Interview of Samia Tariq

     Our meeting was established on the coincidence of our dark choice in clothing. We were similar yet distinct in style; I strut a more sporty attire, while hers was slightly dressy. I was wearing a fitted black v neck with black sweats, while she wore a black bodysuit, black pants and a matching belt. I was a little nervous because I wasn’t convinced that the similarity in our choice of clothing,would make us a good match; but nonetheless I proceeded to our peer interview.

       Samia Tariq, sitting before me, became my peer interviewee as well as my interviewer. The origin of her name which means good listener has an interesting history. Although her name was decided as Samia at birth, there is still a debate amongst her family members as to how to pronounce it. The majority of her family members prefer Sami-a while she prefers Samia.

     Samia was born in Brooklyn but left to Pakistan in the third grade. She then returned six years later for her freshman year of high school at, Franklin D. Roosevelt. During this frequent change of environments, in her childhood, Samia experienced a huge culture shock. She felt the immense difference in customs and language that was no easy task to adopt to. However she still persevered which I find extremely admirable. Unlike myself I’ve lived in the same building and neighborhood my whole life. I’ve never had to leave my friends behind and start a new life somewhere else.

        When it comes to Samia’s choice in writing I find it slightly contradictory. She claims that she prefers not to write creatively because people are judgemental and she doesn’t want her personal beliefs out in the open, to be criticized. However, she would like to write in an article format where her writing style can connect to readers directly. In a way she wants to voice her opinions and makes the conversation between the author and reader personal. Therefore I feel that she craves a connection but does not wish to be stung by that very act of openness.

    Samia likes all foods and has no favorites. She listens to all music, except country. She likes to chill at home and watch movies with her friends. Samia does not play any sports but likes to watch cricket. However she does not watch cricket because she gets really riled up when her favorite team loses. Samia says she would like to go skydiving at least once in her life to overcome her fear of heights. I also have a fear of heights but I would not like to die trying to overcome it; I think Samia is very brave for this.  Samia said that If she won the lotto, she would drop out of school because she doesn’t like college much. However, even with all that money she’s not much of a shopper because of the crowds of people. If there was one problem she could end in the world, she says it would be world hunger. Based on her hobbies, aspirations, and choices of pass time, Samia’s day to day life is simple and calming but she strives for greater adventure.

Final Reflection

      When I was first told about the field observation and interview requirements, to be honest I was not excited in the slightest. In a classroom setting I don’t like sharing out often but if I have a strong enough opinion I will share out. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I’m introverted, but I get nervous talking to complete strangers. Especially because I would be meeting them at some place I’ve never been and the fact that they were adults much older than me. So I came in as a fieldworker with no experience on looking for subgroups, creating interview questions that would elicit the best answers, and conducting the interview itself at a steady pace. As an observer I think I did an okay job, just adequate for the task given to me. I wish it had been an actual meeting of them discussing a theory, but it was just a group night out at a ping pong wreck center. I had another group that probably would’ve had a more serious meeting but they’re demographic made me uncomfortable. It was comprised of mostly old white men and women. So I figured the black atheist group would be the safest, they seemed younger, and the place was public and legit. I still felt discomfort because I didn’t fit the demographic but at least I was part of a minority, so I wasn’t much of an outsider. However, as I said in my observation they were friendly and actually had some diversity in they’re group members. So yes, it wasn’t an official meeting but I was able to discuss atheism with the leader Kevon and see the way some of the other members conducted themselves, which made it an adequate site observation. I also had a lot of scenery to add to the imagery in my observation and that was definitely a plus.

      As for interviewing I compiled a few questions that I wanted answers to, but a lot of them asked the same thing in a slightly different way. So when I was interviewing and we would go off on a tangent, a lot of the other questions, indirectly, got answered so I skipped them. However for each interview it was slightly different; for example in Kevon’s interview he would answer both questions that were the same because the wording of my question triggered a memory, or other information he felt like sharing. In Koretta’s interview not so much, because she was pressed for time and she’d say that we sort of talked about that already. That was a little frustrating because I would’ve liked to organize my answers by question but now 50% of them were under one question. I guess it’s okay though, because that’s not how conversations are structured so it’s to be expected. However, I have some doubts as to whether I’m satisfied with my overall field study. I think the interview went well and I received more than enough information, but I feel as If my findings are not as clear as they could be. I have my own theory of why atheists de-convert but I feel as if it’s an empty statement because I don’t have many concrete reasons as to why they should’ve stayed Christian. Overall though, I definitely feel accomplished with the information I obtained from both parties(interviewee’s). I got to explore my own argument in more detail and discuss my finding with an agnostic friend of mine. I feel like my argument got slightly stronger, not because I have a more concrete argument, but because my thoughts are a little more organized, when I speculate the validity of the Bible; Which I think is not valid, but that doesn’t mean, god doesn’t exist. Therefore I rate my efforts as an observer, as an average attempt for my first try and a little above average for me as an interviewer. Although my questions were slightly repetitive, I was able to get a lot of information, because most of my questions were open ended. I was also able to ask elaborating counter questions, that led to counter arguments, and a more intricate discussion.

Self-Assessment

          Taking this social science class was a very unique experience for me. As a writer I went on an adventure Stylistically and content wise. Coming into this class I thought that I would be reading texts about social psychology and writing essays about the content introduced in class. However, I never thought that I would’ve been writing about my own experiences as a field study conductor. Before this class that word was foreign to me and it really baffles me , the experiences that I can now say I have.

    As a child until now I had been groomed to write academically. I was told to never speak informally in my writing. I was forbidden from using the words I and you. They prohibited me from trying to connect to my reader on a personal level, which was very hard at first. I was supposed to remain opinionless; god forbid my reader identified my preferences and what I support, unless strictly asked to state my argument. I was told to follow a formula, Intro+three body paragraphs+conclusion. I was told to outline my work. I was trained to cultivate a vocabulary of extremely unclear jargon, from an age of English no one could possibly read now, without training. But nonetheless that was the embodiment of my writing, up until now. Striving for sophistication, never straying from your prompts topic and hiding my point of view at all costs.

      This class changed all of that, with our very first assignment, the introductory essay. When I wrote that assignment, I’m not going to lie, regardless of how easy the prompt sounded, I was stuck. As easy as it sounds to write about yourself, I was stunted. Years of suppression had made me believe that I had nothing “relevant” to share about myself.

But in this class I learned how to write spontaneously, to get my best thoughts out through repetition. I enjoyed this because I regressed to, although a  basic form of writing, a form that promoted freedom and created a flow of ideas. I was able to write creatively about how I felt at the moment or w.e was going on in my life for those ten minute. It helped me take a moment and to organize my thoughts. Not only did I learn how to be present in my creative writing, I also practiced writing with more details to help illustrate a scene.  I learned to utilize my diction for clarity rather than sophistication. However something that I really worked on is correcting my grammar when I write informally. This was a struggle because obviously you don’t write the way you speak, but sometimes it’s hard to portray voice in your writing, when the way you speak doesn’t transcribe well, grammatically. Therefore this class helped me improve my creative writing, adjust my diction for clarity, and become a more detailed and present writer.

Name? “ Koretta King”

Age ? ”34”  

Ethnicity?  “Guyanese”

Where you grew ?

Koretta: “Half of my childhood was in the Caribbean and the other half in queens. I came around 10.

Parent/ previously practiced religion?

Koretta:Very religions they’re both Jehovah’s witness.

When did you sever your affiliation with your previous religion/ how did you come to your decision / what events lead up to your mistrust/ disbelief?

Koretta:I would say I stopped going to the Jehovah meetings at about 19 years old. I always questioned it when I was a little kid, but I think it got cristalyzed in my mind when I was like 15. Nothing traumatic happened, but  one day this speaker came and they were interviewing her; because if you wanna work internationally like preaching as a Jehovah’s Witness, the women have to be married to a man. So this woman was married to this old guy and I felt so sorry for her, because in order for her to fulfill what she wants to do she has to marry this person that she didn’t really seem to be into. But I was just like this is just wrong. It’s so archaic and that’s what had me really thinking about it. But men can go alone. I get that there are some safety issues because there are some countries where it’s easier for married women to get around. Like if it’s such an issue just don’t send them to that country.

That was definitely the last straw for me.

If there was no previous religion? What ideas made you disagree with others on religion? What convinced you that Atheism was the way to go?

Koretta: “Because the Jehovah’s preach a lot and are always trying to get others to come to their religion; they have a lot of arguments against all of the other religions. So once I started questioning my religion I didn’t believe any of the others because I knew all of those opposing arguments.”

Me: What were some of those arguments?

Koretta:“Because Jehovah’s are Christian we know Christ already came, the Jews don’t see Christ as the messiah; they’re still waiting.So they’re wrong. If you are Muslim you’re worshiping Mohammed and you shouldn’t do that, you should only worship god. Jehovah’s witness are also very strict, interpret things specifically, and sometimes incorrectly. Like Jehovah’s witness don’t celebrate birthdays or Christmas because those were pagan holidays. They don’t celebrate birthday’s because everything in the Bible that involves a birthday, had something go wrong. For example in one case there was a beheading. Getting blood even if your life depends on it is wrong. Because they interpret it in this specific way you have to put your life on this interpretation if not you’re not gonna get into heaven. It’s very extreme. If it’s so strict they don’t really have a choice and then that’s not free will. Like if you’re so almighty why do you need these little creatures, on this spinning rock to worship you; like what type of validation do you need , like what’s your problem. All of these very specific interpretations on these important life choices just couldn’t be accurate so it makes no sense to me. Once you don’t believe in that then you don’t believe In anything else especially if your religion spent so much time picking apart other religions.”

Me: “I never understood how supposedly we’re supposed to love all and not judge but they go around hating on everyone.”

Koretta: “Well we’re jehovah’s  witness we’re bearing witness to what god wants other people to do. It is your responsibility to go around telling other people what god wants. If they’re walking around living their lives you have to show them the Bible and show them what they need to do to not be destroyed.”

What would a religion have to contain to make you believe in it?

Koretta: “Evidence “

Me: *Laughs* You and Kevon had the same answer.

Koretta: *Giggles * “we’re so similar oh gosh it’s irritating “

Out of all the religions that exist today which do you agree with most even if you’re not a follower?

Koretta: “Buddhism because they focus on meditation and reflection. It’s good to calm yourself, be still, sit back and think.”

Do you believe in hell and heaven?

Koretta: “No”

Is there anything about religion that scares you?

Koretta:“When people believe so strongly and think other people are less than, inhuman, wrong, or evil because of things that are just very miniscule, subjective, and situational. “

why are you atheist rather than agnostic or other secular belief?

Koretta:“Because I’m more skeptical. I feel like Agnostics are more like you can’t know.”

How has religion or its presence affected your life?

Koretta:“I think because of the one I was raised in, I’ve become very critical of other religions, which makes me analyze it more. My experiences with religion make me weary of it. I make a lot of connections with religion and archaic ideas that still affect us especially involving women. It also affects who I choose to partner with. I wouldn’t be with someone who’s religious because I think they’re too irrational. I also don’t wanna burden my kids with ideas of things that don’t make any sense. Like I believe in sanity and treating people well. I also don’t think morality is connected to religion necessarily; I think it’s something we’ve come up with over time, as humans.”

Was religion ever something on your mind when making certain decisions?

Koretta:“Not really I just focus on helping people and being a good person on earth that’s the only thing I can account for.”

What do you think about or look to when your in danger/scared or in stressful situations to give you hope/support if not god?

Koretta:“That’s hard because I have a lot of anxiety but I try not to think about negative things. If I have a problem and can’t find a solution I try to refocus and calm my mind and then come back to it. When I have stressful issues I try not to over analyze it. It is a little unsettling to not have the answers”

Do you feel that religion should not exist? If so why or why not?

Koretta:“No because back then everyone developed into their own cultures and beliefs; but at this point in technology we are all able to communicate so we should just go by some basic ground ideas that we all agree on.”

What do you think are some negative effects of religion on society youth/adults/govt.?

Koretta:“People who think that there is something wrong with them because their gay. Because if you think something’s wrong with you because if religion then that’s just sad.”

What parts if any do you like about religion or your original religion/parents religion?

Koretta:“Good sense of community even if it was cultish and believing that we should help others.”

Other

Koretta:“Catholicism in particular instilled these rules for priests not to marry so that they would not have to split up the land and if you had no family they wanted you to pore your whole life into the church. And in order to get you to be devoted and do baptisms they had to make you believe that the Bible had some power. So it’s all manipulation. “

1hr ½ of Interview dialog.

 

       At the end of the ping pong meetup I got a hold of Kevon and asked for his number for the future interview. He said that he could get Koretta , his girlfriend, to also participate. I was told that they both work at the same company and get home late, so I would have to schedule at a later time. Because of this I decided to do the interviews over skype. For the interview I tried to be professional and do the interview sitting at my kitchen table as opposed to laying in my bed. I was nervous because although they said it was okay to call at that time, since they’re working adults, I was afraid they might have gone to bed early and forgotten we had scheduled the call. So I texted in advanced just in case, to make sure they were ready for the call.

    Upon answering the call I was surprised to see that they were very comfortable and not at all stiff, as I was. Kevon was laying on his bed in a white t-shirt watching a show on Amazon, called ”Sneaky Pete”. He said it was about a con man and recommended I watch it. Korreta was also dressed comfortably in a navy blue t-shirt and a leopard print headband, that hugged the root of her braids.

      Kevon is a 34 year old Jamaican American, who grew up in brooklyn until he moved to springfield gardens, queens at the age of 10. His parents were christian but never declared an affiliation to a sect. He went to church mostly in elementary school, when they lived in brooklyn, but stopped going after they moved to Queens.He then started going again, towards high school when his mom went, but ceased at the age of 15. His parents were the superstitious type that blamed every negative occurrence on the devil. He claims that as a child, religion never made sense to him; he would argue about inconsistencies in the bible with friends at school, but there was no point in time where he could say the teachings convinced him to be a follower. I found his view on the inconsistencies interesting; I see it as something that I’ve thought of and agree with. He says “How do you create people who don’t know any better and expect them to know better. It’s like if they have no understanding of right and wrong how can you punish them for something that’s arbitrarily wrong. They simply did something they were told not to do for reasons they couldn’t have understood.” This is what he said in response to the Adam and Eve’s story. I then follow up with “what convinced him to be Atheist?” He said “A lot of people will sort of mix terms and they’ll say oh I’m agnostic, but if you don’t affirm a belief in any god, at least one, or even a vague belief, ‘of there is something out there?’ Then you’re an atheist.” With this statement I tried to argue with his definitive views. He claims he can only believe with proof but how could you argue that there is nothing if you can’t disprove its existence. I gave him the example of aliens, because we have yet to develop technology that can help us navigate the entire universe; so yes we have no proof they exist, but we haven’t explored far enough to deem their non-existence. He clapped back with “Well we don’t approach life that way with any other circumstance. If somebody told you they had a unicorn you wouldn’t. . .” This was hilarious to me because yes it sounds absurd but that definitive “it doesn’t exist” kind of mentality streams from pessimism. And I think that leading a life like that is depressing. This is because you hope for nothing unless it’s proven. If no one hoped that the impossible could be possible, then I don’t think we would have progressed in science and technology as much as we have. With that being said we discussed what he would like in a religion which is to be immortal. I told him that personally living forever would be sad, lonely, and boring. But he countered this with isn’t that what heaven is supposed to be, eternal life. “The leading explanation among atheists is that, we are one of the few species that understand death and we don’t like it, so we’ve created religion to say that death is not real.” As he continues to counter my arguments I think to myself that everything he says is justified and I completely understand why he would be atheist. But somehow I continue to believe; I just think that it’s not that god doesn’t exist, it’s just that the bible is incorrect or has been altered over time to support bigotry / tell a biased story, just as many history does today. For example when I asked him if anything in religion scares him he said “If it were real, it would scare me alot. If you look at the bible at this website called the ‘skeptics annotated bible’ they point out the inconsistencies and messed up parts of the bible. Specifically the parts that endorse slavery. People argue that it was a different time, but there was no point in time where owning people was cool. There are portions that say you can beat your slaves if they don’t die within 3 days.” This is an example of something that could’ve been altered over time. Whoever was the enslaver could have added this in. Since the Bible is so lengthy and not many people were literate, let alone read the entire thing or understood it, the followers could have easily been  manipulated into believing that this is what god wanted. By spreading this message to uniformed believers through oral teachings, no one would ever know the difference. Kevon also disagrees with how religions affect on the world.“It’s created a world that I find sad and weird; like I’m in a twilight zone episode and people do things for reasons that don’t make any kind of sense. I mean like people vote based on their religion, to take other people’s rights away and that’s the saddest thing I can think of. People are zombies to their religions. These people have this belief and others have another, but they don’t have any type of evidence, yet they’re all willing to fuck each other over for it.” It’s unfortunate how religion has collected an audience that is ignorant and blindly let a book dictate their actions. For me religion has been something I can rely on when times get overwhelming, so I wondered what atheists look to for support, at their breaking points. Kevon looks at “Past experiences mostly. Like I’ve been through tough situations but I’m still here; I just keep telling myself I’ve seen bad days before. I mean I’m fine now.” To conclude the interview on a positive note I asked “what parts if any do you like about religion?” and he said “Charity, but charity is the result of societies inadequacies, because an equitable society doesn’t need charity.”

Dialog

Name? “Kevon cameron”

Age? “34”

Ethnicity? “Jamaican American”

Where you grew up ?

Kevon: “ We Moved to Brooklyn when I ?was barely 4 years old. Then we moved to a house in Queens when I was 10. Mostly springfield gardens.”

Parent/ previously practiced religion?

Kevon:“My parents were Christian they never stressed like, oh we’re baptist, or oh we’re Lutheran, it was always like just ah they’re Christian. When I was really young we went to church here and there. Mostly in elementary school they would send me and my brother. My father would work and my mother would sleep in and send me and my brother to church. That’s the way it was for a while until we moved to queens, then no one went to church. But when I got to high school my mother started going again and so would we. I don’t know if my parents  identified with a denomination but they never stressed it, just general god stuff. “

What do you mean by general god stuff? Like what were some of the things you were told to do?

Kevon:“They were very superstitious.

Everything was blamed on the devil. If you had a cold or an itch bothered you too much it was the devil.”

Me: “My childhood was similar. My grandma was the one who would pick us up and take us but then she stopped because she lost sight in one eye. And my mom was too lazy to.”

When did you sever your affiliation with your previous religion/ how did you come to your decision / what events lead up to your mistrust/ disbelief? Kevon:“The stories never made sense to me, so I went to church up until I was 16; not even because my parents split up about 15. There was never a point where I would have said that I was a believer.”

You said your parents split up?

Kevon:“Yeah they were old school Jamaicans so their relationship always seemed to be a business rather than a relationship. I mean they were good at it; they moved here when I was 4, and became home owners before they became citizens. It never seemed like a loving marriage and I assumed my father got tired of it because he seemed like he’d want love. My mother I think was content. She was the type that does what society expects of her. She went to school, got married, had kids and that was enough.”

Me: It seems to me like you were never convinced.

Kevon: “No not really I would talk to my friends about the inconsistencies of Adam and Eve, but the difference was that for some reason they still believed.”

What are some of these things that you disagree with? Could you tell me about some of these inconsistencies?

Kevon: “How do you create people who don’t know any better and expect them to know better. It’s like if they have no understanding of right and wrong how can you punish them for something that’s arbitrarily wrong. They simply did something they were told not to do for reasons they couldn’t have understood.”

What convinced you that Atheism was the way to go?

Kevon:” A lot of people will sort of mix terms and they’ll say oh I’m agnostic, but if you don’t affirm a belief in any god, at least one, or even a vague belief, ‘of there is something out there?’ Then you’re an atheist.”

Me: “The argument that people make is for example we don’t have the technology to prove that aliens exist so maybe they don’t but you can disprove their existence either.”

Kevon: “Well we don’t approach life that way with any other circumstance. If somebody told you they had a unicorn you wouldn’t. . .”

Me:*laughs*

Kevon: “Like why does religion have this specific circumstance where you can just believe it without questioning. Although Aliens is a perfect example. We have religious texts that date thousands of years old , yet we have stories of living people who talk about aliens but we look at them like they’re crazy.”

Me: “Another example is how I believe in spirits and demons but I don’t seek out proof because I’d never want to encounter one. Like I would never try a ouija board.”

Kevon: “But we have evidence of nanoscopic particles like we can test these things. They’ve tested ouija boards, psychics, prayer at hospitals and it’s shown that they’re no better than chance”

Me: “What if these tests fail because they’re praying for the purpose of the experiment and there is no faith involved.”

Kevon: “Why is it wrong to try and prove it.”

At this point I kind of give up and say

Me: “well I think religion is fun and it gives me hope. Even though I’m being hypocritical because I don’t follow everything as it’s given; but then again you don’t take any advice word for word you kinda mold it into your own solution. So I’ve sculpted my own image of god without all of the disagreeable aspects. But I understand that then that’s not the point because it’s supposed to be followed as is. I’d rather believe in it, do good deeds, and possibly get into heaven. You could also argue that it can be done without religion.”

Kevon: “Yeah it’s called secular charity its popping up everywhere.”

Me: “I kind of lowkey can’t wait, I mean I don’t  want to die but I wanna see what all the fuss was about.”

What would a religion have to contain to make you believe in it?

Kevon: “Any form of hard evidence. Let’s say there’s a muslim, christian, and jew telling me ‘follow my religion so you can be okay.’ How do I know which ones right?”

Inner thoughts

This interview made me see that I came into this off of a base of nothing, like I believe in this but why? I don’t have to.

Do you believe in hell and heaven?

Kevon:“I have no evidence to believe like where were you before you were born.”

Me: “So you just believe in oblivion?

I wonder if we’d be like souls with no body and just memories.”

Kevon: “I think this is where I differ from a lot of the prominent activists. Like there’s a guy that I met that always  says ‘life is precious because is limited’ but I disagree I believe life is inherently valuable but it tends to be more precious because it limited. I would love to live forever or in some form, some kind of consciousness.”

Me: Like forever in what context?

Me: ”Becauses if everyone is dying around you that wouldn’t be enjoyable. If everyone lived forever then there would be no point in creating new life because we’d just over populate.”

Kevon: “I’m not saying there aren’t problems I just don’t want to die.”

Me: “I’m not really scared to die . I’m more scared of how I die I would like it to be painless. If there is heaven and hell I would hope that I go to heaven because I don’t want to burn for eternity. I think if I’m satisfied with what i’ve achieved in life in terms of leisure, career, and love life. I wouldn’t mind dying at the average age of natural death. So i’m not afraid to die if its not early or horrifically painful.  I personally would never want to be immortal; like at some point life is enough,like you’re tired, you don’t wanna do anything anymore, it gets boring. Even though you could say as times change there will always be new and entertaining things but that’s still not enough. I strongly believe that everything in excess is bad.”

Kevon:“But the whole point of religion is that people believe that there is an afterlife. Because they can’t except death and heaven is eternal.  But if life gets boring as you say it does, won’t heaven get that much boring.”

Me: *Laughs* “See we’ve never experienced perfection so supposedly, we’ll never get bored, we’ll never be hungry. But then what would we do in heaven.

This is depressing haha.”

Kevon: “I’m sorry” *shy smile*

Me: *Laughs* “No it’s fine”

Kevon: “The leading explanation among atheists is that we are one of the few species that understand death and we don’t like it so we’ve created religion to say that death is not real.”

Kevon:“So then why is suicide a sin. if heaven is so great and life on earth pales in comparison / is so finite. Why aren’t people lining up to kill themselves to go to heaven. Why do people cry when their relatives die if they’re going to heaven. “

Me: “I think because they don’t get to see them anymore and two it’s not guaranteed that you get into heaven. We’re judged by our actions on earth. For example in school If students can behave in class then they won’t be taken on a trip. Then there’s the argument of who’s worthy and who’s not worthy. If god knew we were going to sin then why were we created.”

Me: Is there any aspect of religion that would be dope if it was real?

Kevon: “ I mean i’ve made my peace with death. I know it’s gonna happen and it’ll be sad, but if there was any religion that would let me live even in consciousness, I would like that. Koretta always says that I don’t do drugs because I like to be in control.  Which I agree with because, I just like thinking, or being in my head even if my thought are stupid; I just like consciousness and I think a lack consciousness is sad.”

 

Out of all the religions that exist today which do you agree with most even if you’re not a follower?

Kevon: “I’ve thought about this but wickens, from what I understand about it, seem to actually care about the earth. Although I’m not really on board with the magic part.”

 

Is there anything about religion that scares you?

Kevon:“If it were real it, would scare me alot. If you look at the bible at this website called the ‘skeptics annotated bible’ they point out the inconsistencies and messed up parts of the bible. Specifically the parts that endorse slavery. People argue that it was a different time, but there was no point in time where owning people was cool. There are portions that say you can beat your slaves if they don’t die within 3 days.”

How has religion or its presence affected your life?

Kevon: It’s created a world that I find sad and weird; like i’m in a twilight zone episode and people do thing for reasons that don’t make any kind of sense. I mean like people vote based on their religion to take other people’s rights away and that’s the saddest thing I can think of. People are zombies to their religions. These people have this belief and others have another, but they don’t have any type of evidence, yet they’re all willing to fuck each other over it.

Was it ever something on your mind when making certain decisions?

Kevon:Yeah I mean not in like a what would jesus do type of way but yeah sure. A friend of mine that I work for is someone that is really religious. But he doesn’t know that i’m not religious and I can’t tell him. Normally I’m outspoken but I’m not gonna go around preaching to people that their beliefs are stupid. Like I like arguing about it but at work its off limits, because I would make it awkward for koretta. I work for her uncle and they don’t know that she’s an atheist. She said she’s going to tell them one day but  they’re gonna blame me saying I brainwashed her.

Me:“Oh no”

Kevon:*Shrugs shoulders*

“She should’ve told them before she met me.”

What do you think about or look to when your in danger/scared or in stressful situations to give you hope/support if not god?

Kevon:“Past experiences mostly. Like I’ve been through tough situations but I’m still here; I just keep telling myself I’ve seen bad days before. I mean I’m fine now.”

Me: “I don’t know I like to see how much I can handle. Like whenever I’m in stressful situations I kinda laugh it off, like ‘you’re great, you’re fine. It could be worse, you got this,’ and then it blows over.Then afterwards I’m like ‘wow that was really bad but you got through it.’ I just find certain situations amusing like life has its ups and downs. If not life gets boring. For example I compare it to a balance of leisure and work. Like when you’re in school you’re like I can’t wait for summer, but when summer hits, you’ve already binged every show possible, and are bored out of your mind. Then when someone asks you to run an errand for them you appreciate the change in pace. Not to say that bad things should happen, but I just love everything about life, I appreciate every moment even the bad moments. I just look back and laugh.   

What specific parts of your past religion in general do you disagree with?

Kevon:“Mostly I disagree with a lot of the ways people are treated. Even if all the stories were real I just feel like I couldn’t be on board with the religion based on how certain people were treated.”

Do you feel that religion should not exist? If so why or why not?

Kevon:I don’t think it should be forced out of existence, but humanity would be better off without it. People will disagree and say that there will still be a lot of problems. Well of course, but that’s like saying oh we got rid of cancer, but we still have heart disease diabetes ect. Like there will still be problems but religions a big problem it kills a lot of people.

What do you think are some negative effects of religion on society youth/adults/govt.?

Kevon:“People use laws to take away other people’s rights.

Youth feels really guilty for having normal thoughts like sex.”

 

What parts if any do you like about religion or your original religion/parents religion?

Kevon:Charity but charity is the result of societies inadequacies, because an equitable society doesn’t need charity.

1hr ½ of Interview dialog.

 

Final Edit

Field Notes / Observation   

 

      I never thought I’d ever go to a ping pong wreck center to attend an atheist meetup. But here I am on the 6 train hurtling towards my destination with a tornado of thoughts swirling violently inside my head. I’m slightly nervous of what’s to come. The ping pong wreck center is very deep in Manhattan, around 23rd street, where I don’t go often. The meeting is also specifically, a Black atheist meeting so I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to attend. I assume from their online photos that they’ll all be 20 and over, while I am a mere freshman, at 18 years old. I feel a little intimidated, because I’m younger and I have this assumption that they might be strongly opinionated, if they find out I’m religious. Worse case scenario they’ll even be defensive or hostile and not welcome me. Because of this I haven’t decided whether to reveal myself or conduct a participant observation. I just feel that it’s not right to lie; I don’t like doing it. I would also feel guilty being a religious person and taking part in the skepticism, which I had no actual arguments for.

       On my way out of the train station, I spotted a small entrance with the word “SPIN” in bright white lights over a small black backdrop. It seemed okay from the outside. I opened the glass door entrance and two hispanic females walked out. They seemed to be a few years older than me which reassured me of the locations safety. Passed the entrance was a very small lobby like space, that lead to stairs to a lower level. Directly in front of me and to my left, were beautifully decorated walls. There were bright abstract colors and shapes in the midst of what looked like a collage.The collage contained images such as 3D sideways pyramids and cylinders decorated with multi-colored swirls. As I walk passed the wall art I am thrown off by a NYC transit like sign, directly above the stairs,  that says “Ping Pong 23rd st station SPIN” in grey, yellow, and red colored circles much like the train designs.

       When I went downstairs I spoke to a man at the check in desk. He was Caucasian, with dirty blonde hair, strutting a shaggy goatee and a connected trimmed beard. I hesitated for a few seconds moving my lips while sound failed to come out. I then nervously told the man that I was here for the black atheist meeting. He responded with “Kevin or Kevon right?” I nodded “yes” he then said “well he hasn’t reserved a table yet and I think not many people are coming so you can go right ahead and wait inside. He’s probably still at the bar.”

      I entered a dim spacious area with with warm yellow lights hanging down over rows of ping pong tables. As I walked further in, to my left there was a beautifully drawn woman in black and white with a cap on, who looked to resemble Rihanna. Aside from that painting the place was decorated with art on every wall, with bright vibrant rainbow colors. In this painting it looked to be a woman with a scarf over her entire head except her eyes and nose, staring at a bird. At the center of the rows of ping pong tables, there was an area isolated by see through curtains, where two rows of booths were located, for the restaurant portion. I sat in one of those booths to briefly take some notes and contact Kevon to tell him I had arrived. While I waited I saw that there were mainly Caucasian family’s / friends there with a few minority groups such as Hispanic, Brown, Asian, and of course my black atheist group. As I sat there, a tall, voluminous, dark skinned lady passed by as we mutually smiled at each other. The music playing in the background I assumed was old because of its unfamiliarity and funky beat . It was upbeat but the vocalist was always soothing, with occasional acoustics.

        After an hour of waiting, since I arrived at 7:30, for  Kevon to answer I asked the man at the desk to direct me to Kevon. I was led to a long couch with smaller seats surrounding a coffee table of snacks, where a good 7-8 people were gathered. When I got there I immediately locked eyes with the woman I had smiled at earlier. She reiterated that we had seen each other, when she first came in and her and kevon quickly apologized for having me wait so long. Kevon shook my hand, offered me a seat and introduced me to Koretta, the women I met earlier. Koretta had long curly hair, and wore a red fitted dress with  black knee high boots. Kev

on was a tall toffee colored man, rather slim, and bald; he had a broad smile with soft kind eyes, although flustered, and awkward at times. He wore a brown and orange checkered flannel with dark jeans. After I settled down and shook everyone’s hands, Kevon asks “So what brings you to our meeting? What made you decide to come?” I stayed quiet for a moment however my face was very telling of my unease and contemplation. They looked at me confused and suspicious of my response. Finally I decided to come clean and explain to them that I’m not really an atheist. I explained how I was conducting a field study and that I prefer not to lie. They seem like nice people and they’re diverse despite their title as “Black Atheists”. Koretta expressed her appreciation for my honesty and then asked if it’s common in college to get this assignment. I told her it was for my social science english class but I chose my topic. She said she was curious because another girl interviewed quite a few of them for a journalism final, so she was intrigued by the coincidence. I also shared how nervous I was, about not being sure if I’d be allowed to stay, because I wasn’t black. Koretta reassured me that it was  okay and joked that they could be my test subjects. I then exclaimed “ oh noooo that’s exactly how I didn’t want you to feel. That’s why I was contemplating being a participant; I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” I could tell that she was friendly but for some reason I felt a hint of negative emotions emitting from her. Her body language was stiff, she didn’t make much eye contact, was slightly avoidant, and although she said she understood I could feel that it was only to be agreeable. I think that she may have resentment for religious people, which was giving her discomfort. It’s as if she wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt but in the back of her head there was an unpleasant encounter with religion.

Shortly after my introduction, a guy who was stout with blond hair and circular glasses, named Andrew, began to address how they are accepting of everyone seeking atheism. He then rambled about how the group is very open and that there are a lot of ignorant white people who don’t know about minorities and their struggles.  I say he rambled because he talked the majority of the time, not because I wasn’t interested. The more I talked to him I noticed that he had very strong eye contact which slightly made me uncomfortable. I was finally freed from that very lengthy encounter when a new member (to me atleast) arrived.

     After some time Kevon rented a ping pong table. While everyone entertained themselves and ordered some food, Kevon took a seat next to me. I had ordered a peach tea and he asked me if it was good. I responded with “Eh it could use some sugar but other than that it’s okay.” He then said “What is your religion? If you don’t mind me asking”. “Oh no of course how could I ask and not respond”. I said. “Technically I’m evangelical, but evangelicals are not supposed to drink or dance; yet I’ve done both”. Kevon continues with “How can you be sure that your religion is the right one, if there are so many other religions ? That means all the others would be wrong then and they’re all going to hell”. I then say  “ Well I’ve thought of the same thing because there’s no way of knowing. But the reason why people are affiliated with their designated religion, is mostly because they’re primed by their parents or caregivers. I’ve also thought of ‘what if I had been born into a different religion.’ Then I would be in the group of ‘people going to hell’. I’ve also thought about ‘what if all these religions worship the same god but practice it differently’ ”. Kevon follows up with ”There are also so many contradictions”. I then explain “ Yeah. I know, like for example the, Roman Catholic Church; many of their practices are alterations of the Bible for their gain and manipulation.(priest are not able to marry as to not split up the land) Also the culture of being so hard core and strict with their beliefs. (premarital sex not eating swine )I believe as times change so should the exceptions to the Bible”. Kevon:“ But times have changed but the Bible hasn’t and it’s not supposed to right?” At this point I can’t really argue because I have no concrete evidence. “This is where I can’t really counter because I myself are not a strict believer it’s as if I made my own religion, like I picked and chose what I wanted; which is hypocritical, but my opinion is that you should just be an overall good person and establish a relationship with god”. Kevon sighs and says “Yeah I’ve noticed that the people who stray the most from the original practices of their religion tend to be the best people”. “why are you interested in studying us in particular”As I answered these questions I thought it was funny and ironic that I was being interviewed, rather than him since I was the one conducting the study. I continued with “For me I was primed at a young age because my grandmother was heavily religious and would take me to church often. When I was younger I believed because I was told to, but I had a few experiences that became proof for me. I also had a friend who went through something very traumatic. I helped her through it and convinced her to get therapy. I also feel blessed to have never gone through any servere struggles and I always felt it was because of my grandmother praying for me. But that leads to why I want to be a therapist I feel that because I’ve been so blessed I should help others. So religion for me gives me hope and helps me through whatever is thrown at me; so I’m just curious as to what keeps you going and who do you reach out to for support, if not god”. Kevon then ends our conversation with “people of course and that’s why I made this group”. I was then pulled out to play three friendly games of ping pong with Andrew before everyone called it a night and went their separate ways.

https://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Atheists-Who-Convert-A-Case-Study

Letter of Introduction

       Dear Ms. Anna Steegmann,

      My name is Julissa Peña and I’m a freshman on my second semester, with my major decided on a B.A. in Psychology. My ethnicity is Dominican but I was born here. I do speak Spanish and I’m currently learning Japanese. A fun fact is that I actually love people of all kinds, like I love how different we are culturally, and how distinct foreign accents are. I actually love your accent, it’s full of character and also engages me whenever you lecture. I just find people’s differences amusing and charming to watch and learn about. Learning new things also brings texture to life because I think that if you’re constantly being educated, you’ll never be bored. Which brings me to my experience at college. For the longest time I found school to be a chore, but since I started college I’ve found it quite enjoyable. I start my classes late on alternate days which gives me a chance to catch up on  missed sleep from earlier days. I also have this drive to go to class now; I chose my classes and actually find the information necessary which makes learning it effortless. Maybe that’s an exaggeration but you get the message. School life has become a little more bearable and I’m basking in it.

        If I am judging myself impartially, I would say that I am a pretty well rounded student. My attendance is good because I am seldom absent. When I attend class, I participate if I’m confident in my thoughts. I am very sociable; I can be put in any group and work effectively even if there is a difference in opinions amongst the group. However, like any student, I have shortcomings. These happen to be lateness and time management. I usually get to functions either on time by the skin of my teeth or 10-15 minutes late. Very rarely am I a large chunk of time early, unless I thoroughly planned my morning. As for time management, I am a very thorough person and take a lot of time to either read, plan, or create any piece of work; but I seldom to never create or give garbage work. I’d rather give it in late than give anything less than something I deem worthy.

       My Strength in writing could also be considered my weakness. My style of writing is very efficient. When I write, I hardly ever have to revise or make heavy changes to my work, unless it is due to an alteration of the base of my argument/topic. This is because I refrain from using filler words or irrelevant  information that cannot be looped back to my main point. As for mechanics, I correct them as I write rather than waiting until the end to reread and revise. This results in less errors especially when one is running late and doesn’t necessarily have the time to perfect it. As for weaknesses my style of writing is directly a result of, my inability to write, if all of the information needed and direction of my argument/writing is not clear or organized in my head. This in turn makes it extremely hard for me to do draftwork, which for some, is an essential part of the writing process. I personally dislike draftwork because I find it redundant to produce ill informed/unclear writing, when I have no definite goal or direction for my writing.

     To be honest I don’t mind writing, I think I’m good at it or so I’ve been told but it’s SOOO TIME CONSUMING! As I’ve mentioned before I’m a very thorough person; it’s hard for me to write an assignment haphazardly. So it’s never an option to say “oh I’ll just be brief, one page tops.” Once I’ve elaborated every detail possible and correctly aligned whatever argument/topic, the one page would have turned to three. This is because every story has to be opened, elaborated, and closed properly. There have been times where I’ve reached the word limit but can’t end it because I can’t just cut my paper off halfway through.That’s just how I’m wired it’s either go big or go home.

     Reading is something that I’ve grown to love. As a child I hated it; I would make it three pages in and knock out before the fourth. Until I read this book called “The Wide Awake Princess by E.D. Baker. This book was a cute little romantic fantasy, loosely based on the classic “Sleeping Beauty”, that caught my undivided attention. Since then I read another E.D. Baker series called the “Frog Princess” and loved it. I loved her style of writing and her diction. Her books introduced me to so many words that I would search up in the dictionary, as if it was a treasure hunt for their meanings. However, my favorite book has to be “The D.U.F.F.”. For some reason, I’m a little embarrassed to say this because it’s not a famous literary piece. It’s a cute love story that happens in the midst of puberty, with all it’s insecurities and inevitable path to self-acceptance. At the time, it was really relatable and helped me explore adolescent love without experiencing it. But yes I do like reading; however, I don’t do it often because I prefer to watch TV series. I also have this excitement procrastination. About two christmas’ ago I bought a drawer of books and have yet to read them. I tend to get so excited, saving it for last, and putting it off that I never actually read it. But ONE DAY it shall be accomplished; I will read them all.

         I would prefer not to show my work to the class. I mean to be honest I love to share personal information; however, I don’t like to be judged unnecessarily. It’s not like I’m going to die or get my feelings severely hurt. It’s just that it angers me that I even gave you a chance to judge and look down at something I like, feel, or treasure. I like to make sure whoever I share information with, has a genuine connection with me or values what I have to say, even if they disagree. This is with personal information though. When it comes to formal academic work I feel a little more comfortable, but I still fear that I won’t approach the task the way it should’ve been. The only difference would be that now the whole class will see and question my intelligence. I just feel that no matter the situation I would like to be seen as competent and not belittled.

     I am excited to be in this class especially because I took this class to specifically couple my Social Psychology class. I’ll have the opportunity to apply the new psych information and feed my social science writing. Something I’m expecting from this class is to really take me out of my current mental space, give me a completely different perspective on the way I see society, the way it functions, and how these structures were originally put into motion. I also hope that this helps me improve my writing while developing a new appreciation for its art and door to creative expression. Lastly, a bonus I hope to acquire is some public speaking skills due to the interview part of this course.

Thank you for reading and hopefully this has helped you peak into who I am as your new student.

Sincerely,

              Julissa Peña